9 Month Update

Gwendolyn is 9 months old today! We had her 9-month check up a few days ago and I was so happy to hear how much she’s grown. She’s still on the smaller side of the growth chart but she has made so much progress since her 6-month check up when we were having weight/milk supply issues. To recap quickly: I got pregnant and my milk supply tanked. Gwen wasn’t gaining weight (even lost some!) so we decided to supplement with formula. I was hoping to get back to exclusive breastfeeding eventually once my milk supply got back up, but once I found out I was pregnant I had to stop taking Fenugreek (one of the main things I was using to help my supply). Fenugreek is a no-no during pregnancy. Gwen was less and less interested in nursing and was doing really well on formula. Also, my OB discouraged breastfeeding while pregnant (even though I read that it should be perfectly safe). I probably would’ve fought harder to keep doing it if it had still been going well. But since she was doing well on formula, my supply was still low, and she didn’t seem interested anymore, I slowly weaned her off. She’s 17 pounds (32nd percentile) and 27.5 inches long (50th percentile) now. Much better than being off the chart completely (in weight). Way to go baby girl!

I was telling her pediatrician how amazed I’ve been at how much happens developmentally between 6 and 9 months. She’s doing so much now I can hardly keep up! She crawls all over the place like a pro. But she’d much rather stand. She pulls herself up on everything she possibly can and even walks along while holding onto things. She has no fear. Occasionally she thinks she can stand or walk without holding onto something and will just let go! Cue mommy heart attack. She got her first boo-boo while attempting to pull herself up on something. She tripped over something on the floor and face planted into our DVD case, catching her eye on the shelf. She had just a little mark on corner of her eyelid but I thought she’d wake up the next morning looking like Rocky Balboa, with a big puffy black and blue eye, and everyone would see her and judge me for being a horrible parent. But it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought (I tend to assume the worst). She’s a tough cookie.

She also talks up a storm. Yells and growls. She can make “maaaa” sounds and “daaaa” sounds, but won’t repeat it when we ask her to or say “mama” or “dada” when we ask her to. She mostly says “ba ba ba ba ba ba” over and over. She occasionally has tantrums that include shaking her little fists at us. Yep. Can’t wait til she’s a toddler……

She’s our sweet little fireball and we love her so much!

gwen 9 months

 

2nd Time Around

I thought I’d share a bit about how this pregnancy has been so far. Mostly because I sometimes forget I’m pregnant. Seriously.  Having an 8-month old keeps me pretty well distracted lol. So I want to try to remember stuff.

A few things are different this time around.

1. I’m way more emotional. With Gwen I was pretty normal. This time I’m a little crazy, not gonna lie. I’m sure my husband would agree.

2. No vomiting! I’m pretty excited about this one. I threw up about once every other day with Gwen for all of the 1st trimester. This time I’ve only FELT like I was going to throw up, which is still no picnic, but at least I can keep food down. I still have vivid memories of the things I couldn’t keep down last time……

3. New mom fatigue + pregnancy fatigue = epic fatigue.

4. Again with the 8-month old distraction, I’m having a hard time keeping track of this pregnancy. With Gwen I had a babycenter app with daily updates and pictures and emails sent to me every week telling me what food my baby is the size of, etc. This time I can hardly remember how far along I am at any given time. I did update my babycenter profile with this pregnancy and still get the emails, but I almost never read them. I am ashamed.

5. My baby bump is making an early appearance. I know that’s pretty normal for all pregnancies after the first. My body is like “Oh hey, I remember this”. I experienced the same bloating at night, and deflating in the morning for a few weeks. But now it doesn’t deflate anymore. The bump is here to stay.

Here’s a shot of the newbie waving at me “Um, Hey mom…don’t forget about me in here!” 🙂

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In a few weeks he or she will be kicking me as little reminders every day. I do miss that feeling and look forward to it!

 

Our Cup Has Overflowed

There’s a poem I heard (or read maybe) with this line that has always stuck with me- “I’m drinking from my saucer, cause my cup has overflowed”. The general idea is that the writer has been blessed beyond what he deserves. His cup has overflowed with blessings, so he’s drinking from his saucer. Well friends, the Griffiths family cup is overflowing! We are expecting another little blessing in early June and we are so excited and happy!

Now let me back track and tell you the story of how this came to be. Not the pregnancy…we obviously know how that came to be lol. But my current excitement/attitude about the pregnancy. Because I have to admit, it was not my first reaction.

Yes, we wanted kids close in age. But, we really didn’t expect them to be THIS close (about 14 months). We realize that it’s becoming a bit of a trend to have kids later in life, and that’s fine. But we decided that we wanted to go through the baby and toddler years while we’re still relatively young. So that’s why we didn’t really take many precautions to space them out or anything. My cycle returned after 3 months of giving birth so we knew we’d have to at least start… paying attention to things if I didn’t want to get pregnant again RIGHT away. But my cycle was pretty irregular. AND I was exclusively breastfeeding at the time, which should’ve made it difficult to get pregnant (we knew it was still possible, but we thought, “what are the odds??”).

Well, on October 4th while driving home from MOPS, I started to notice something. I had been unusually emotional that week. I’d cry at the drop of a dime. Get easily irritated and upset, and oh yeah …I was late. But I didn’t think much of that since I was so irregular anyway. So I told Ivor, who was working at the time, “….I think I should take a pregnancy test”. He thought I was crazy but said to go ahead. So I immediately packed Gwen up and we went to the grocery store, bought the test, came home, took the test, totally expecting it to be negative, and…..

test

Um, what?? Cue nervous hysterical laughter and then…sobbing. I was so overwhelmed with emotions. I called Ivor who knew I was pregnant as soon as he saw me calling. I’m not sure I even got the words out. I remember walking over to Gwen, still crying and saying to her “how am I going to handle 2 of you??”

Two under two. Yep. The thought terrified me. For 2 days was having an emotional breakdown. I felt guilty for my reaction. My poor little baby is growing inside me and here I am dreading his/her birth and how it’s going to affect my life (only thinking of the negative of course). I needed prayer and I asked for it. And thankfully God changed my attitude quickly!

After the 2-day initial reaction, I started focusing on the positive. Gwen has brought so much joy to our lives. Having a baby has increased and deepened the love for my husband and taught me so much. So adding to our family will only increase it even more. Double blessings! And again, this is my child we’re talking about. A new life. A miracle. How could I not be thrilled about that?? And there are a lot of advantages to having them so close together (cons too of course, but there are pros and cons to every possible scenario of child spacing right?).

Yes, it’s going to be chaos for awhile. Yes, it’s going to be hard. But ya know what? THIS:

And please don’t tell me “well, God knew you could handle this so that’s why he’s giving you this challenge”. If you know me, you know I HATE that unbiblical, misinterpretation of scripture. I absolutely canNOT handle what is ahead of me. And that’s the point. It will show me my need and dependence for God. Yes, I will survive. But only by God’s strength, not my own.

So without further ado, here are some first pictures of Baby Griffiths #2:

From today’s ultrasound (about 12 weeks pregnant, profile):

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Amazing how much you can see in these things (even if they do look a little…creepy)

We can’t wait to find out if Gwen will be having a little brother or sister but, alas, we must wait until January!

Stay tuned to find out with us 🙂

 

8 Month Update

Miss Gwendolyn Jane is 8 month old today! She is quite the handful and keeps us on our toes. She is full of energy, loud, smiley and passionate as ever. She rarely sits still and is constantly looking around for something to play with (get into). Her favorites- my cell phone, laptop and the remote(s). Oh, and Milton’s tail (our poor cat who has no idea what he’s in for in the coming years lol). She loves to jump, pull mommy’s hair, pinch faces, pull ears, etc. She’s crawling now, attempting to climb on things, pulling herself up to standing but is still quite wobbly. No teeth yet. Still loves food and has figured out what our signs mean- we do some sign language with her during meal time (“more” and “all gone”). I know some others but always forget to use them. But she definitely figured out what “all gone” means. Whenever she finishes a bottle she immediately puts her hand in her mouth. So when I’m feeding her a solid meal and we’re all finished, I give her the sign for “all gone!”, and she immediately puts her hand in her mouth lol. Sleeping…..sigh. Not sure why but recently she started giving us a hard time going to sleep. She used to be great. We’d do our bedtime routine, lay her down (awake) and she’d just fall asleep on her own. Now….not so much. She’s clearly tired, but as soon as we lay her down and start walking away, she screams. The only thing we’ve found to work so far is music. Hearing music (something upbeat oddly enough) will calm her down and it usually takes about 3 plays before she’ll fall asleep.

I think that just about covers it for now. We’re looking forward to our her 1st Thanksgiving and Christmas coming up. There will be many pictures 🙂

8 months

Cloth Diapering Update

I think it’s time for another post about cloth diapering and how it’s working for us. We’ve entered a new phase, what with solid foods and all. Solids…change things. With the risk of giving TMI, ah whatever…you chose to read a post about diapering so you should expect poop talk. If not, you’re welcome to leave at any time 🙂

For those of you still with me, solid foods obviously change the consistency of the poo. So sometimes the poo is solid enough that I can just plop it in the toilet, ya know…where everyone else’s waste goes. It just seem right. Natural. Then we wash the diapers like we usually do. For the poos that aren’t quite solid enough, we’ve considered getting a diaper sprayer. However, we’ve been managing without it successfully so far. If there’s A LOT of poo, I’ll grab a tissue or piece of toilet paper and remove the majority of it and flush it. This seems to be just fine. The washing machine does just as good a job cleaning them as they did before. No stains, no odors.

We did encounter some leaking issues in the past month or so. Especially overnight. She would soak right through the diaper and her pj’s. So first I tried double-stuffing (putting a 2nd insert in). Didn’t work. Then I tried the stripping thing. I used these instructions. I definitely saw a small difference during the daytime, but it still didn’t quite work for overnight. So I did some more research and heard that hemp inserts are a great solution for overnight heavy wetters. We bought these.  And so far, they are working great!! The nights we’ve used them, no leaks. Last night I forgot to use one, leak. So that indicates to me that the hemp inserts are working. Horray!

She’s also getting bigger so we’ve adjusted the size of the diaper and put in the larger inserts to replace the newborn size. This has seemed to help too. The larger inserts snap adjust so right now part of it is folded over, sort of doubling the absorbency. You can sort of see what I mean in the picture here. The larger inserts of course make the diaper more bulky, but I think it’s adorable. And her clothes still fit over them so it’s really not an issue.

All of that said, I recently found out about an infant potty training class at a local baby boutique. INFANT potty training, people. I am all over that. I’m not sure if there’s another class open in 2013, but I’ll definitely be checking it out as soon as there is one. I’ll be sure to post about it.

In the meantime, check out this new print from bumgenius!! I may have to pick this one up….

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Disturbing Rhymes

I’ve been reading Mother Goose nursery rhymes to Gwen the past few nights and I have to say, many of them are quite disturbing! Amazing how re-reading stuff as an adult gives a whole new perspective! Even the more popular ones like Humpty Dumpty are still rather depressing. The poor guy falls, breaks and no one can put him back together. The end.

But that’s mild compared to some of the others.

There’s this one. Three lines.

Cry baby, cry
Stick a finger in your eye
Tell you mother it wasn’t I.

Um, really? Did I really just tell my daughter to stick a finger in her eye before she goes to sleep? Thankfully she has no idea what I’m saying yet.

Rock-a-bye Baby is another one…about a baby who falls from a tree top. Heartwarming.

There are even references to violence in some of the others.

I found this article: http://www.babble.com/toddler/rated-r-nursery-rhymes-15-creepy-rhymes-for-kids-and-their-disturbing-origins/

Craziness.

Who was this Mother Goose and what was her deal?!

I think I’ll be reading another book tomorrow night.

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7 Month Update

I haven’t updated since last month because, well, it’s been a bit busy and eventful to say the least. But baby girl is 7 months old now and doing great!

We’re still having breastfeeding issues and decided to supplement with formula because she just wasn’t gaining any weight (she actually dropped off the growth chart completely). I wanted to make sure there wasn’t some other reason for her lack of weight gain which is why we made the decision we did. And thankfully, after supplementing with formula she has started gaining weight again, which is the most important thing. There’s more I can say about this and plan to in future posts, because there’s a lot more to the story. But we’ll leave it at this for now: she’s gaining weight, she’s happy and healthy and we feel we made the best possible decision for her at this time.

Moving on.

Sleep. I vaguely remember what that’s like. It’s cruel really. For 2 months straight she slept through the night. I’m talking 11-12 hours. Then around 5 months she decided…”who needs sleep???”. For the past 2 months, she hasn’t slept through the night once. Sigh. On a good night, she’ll wake up once. On most nights, 2-3 times. I’ve blamed teething. But there are no teeth. I’ve blamed sickness. But she’s healthy. I’ve blamed this “sleep regression” thing people keep telling me about. But is that supposed to last for 2 solid months?! At this point I just keep telling myself “this is a season of life…she’ll be driving before I know it, I will sleep again”.

As far as new things:

*Planking. (The fitness kind). Pretty sure it’s an attempt to crawl. But she’ll get up on her toes and her hands and hold the position for a few seconds. She’s going to have a very strong core.

*Still gets on all fours and rocks back and forth. She’s started moving her knees forward but hasn’t figured out yet that she needs to moves her hands too. It’ll happen soon enough.

*Eating. She still loves her solid foods. We haven’t found anything yet that she doesn’t like. But we’ll be introducing a lot of new things this month so maybe we’ll find something that she turns her nose up to.

*She’s so interactive now, I love it! You can have “conversations” with her. You respond to her, she’ll respond to you. And back and forth it goes. She really is a happy little girl who loves to smile and laugh. She can brighten up anyone’s bad day!

*Loves her reflection. Whenever she sees it on my phone she puts her face right up to it. Same with her little toy mirror. She’s so fascinated. “Who IS that adorable baby? We should be friends!”

*Miss-pees-a-lot. She’s been soaking right through her diapers at night. Time to do some cloth diaper troubleshooting. I’ve tried double stuffing, but she just soaks through both inserts! And for the record, she soaks through disposables too. We’ve tried those. Next to try is hemp inserts. If that doesn’t work, perhaps wool covers. If that still doesn’t work, we may try a fitted cloth diaper of a different brand. Any other CD moms out there have issues at night? If so, what did you find worked well for you? I’m open to suggestions! We have a heavy-wetter on our hands.

*Making more sounds. When I sneak up on her and scare her she literally screams “Ahhh!” and then starts laughing. She also said “daa” once. Ivor was beaming. But she wouldn’t say it again lol.

That’s all for now. I’ll leave you with this face:

gwen 7 month

 

and this one…

gwen 7 month2

 

Happy 7 months Gwendolyn Jane!

6 Month Update! (and breastfeeding woes)

I may or may not be in denial that Gwen is 6 months old now. As in, half a YEAR! I swear I was just pregnant yesterday. Time flies. STOP IT, TIME.

So before I get into the “breastfeeding woes” portion of this post, I’ll start off with “what’s new”:

*Rolling all over the place. Right after I posted the 5-month update, she started rolling over…like the next day. So she’s been doing that for awhile now. Took her a little while, but she can now roll from her tummy to her back. At first it was just back to tummy. She also goes in both directions.

*Sleeping on her side/stomach. It scared me the first time I saw her sleeping on her tummy, but…she likes it. And even though I always put her on her back to sleep, she ends up rolling over at some point. Twice I’ve flipped her back over, and she woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep. So…I’ve stopped doing that. She also sleeps on her side sometimes, which I think is really cute (mommy’s a side sleeper too!)

*Sitting up! She can sit up with support just fine. But recently she’s been sitting up without any support for about, oh 20 seconds or so before she topples over lol

*Didn’t think it was possible but she’s even MORE vocal now. She always babbling to herself, her toys, to us. She likes to blow bubbles and make farting noises. And then laugh.

*Loves her some solid foods! So far we’ve done rice cereal, oatmeal, sweet potatoes and avocados. She’s loved all of it! And she gets mad when she finishes. The 2 oz. portions just aren’t enough for her. Which brings me to “breastfeeding woes”.

I suspected that my milk supply was getting low about a month ago. My boobs started shrinking back to normal size (which is totally depressing). And Gwen suddenly became super fussy while nursing. She acted hungry, but would only latch for a minute or so and then would get really frustrated and fuss/cry. Which immediately made me think that there’s just not enough milk coming out. Heck, I’d be frustrated too! But I went to kellymom.com and it said that many moms THINK their supply is low when it really isn’t, and that the size of your boobs and the behavior of your baby is NOT the best indicator of a low supply. Ultimately, it’s weight gain. She’s always been on the small side, and not super chunky like most babies. But she had been growing “along the curve” just fine and her doctor was never concerned.

Except that yesterday at her 6-month checkup we discovered that she actually LOST some weight since her last appointment (which was actually at 5 months). Not a significant amount of weight, but still. You want to see your baby gaining weight at each appointment, not losing it! Ugh…talk about feeling like a failure as a mom. (and she hasn’t been sick so that’s not the reason)

So now I’m in obsessive-get-my-supply-up mode. I’m taking fenugreek, drinking a lot more water, pumping after each feeding, drinking mother’s milk tea, etc. And in the meantime I’ll also be increasing her solids (2-3 times a day instead of 1, and larger portions). I’d really rather not supplement with formula if I don’t have to. I will if I have to. But I want to try everything else first.

I’ll keep everyone posted on our progress. We go back for a weight check in 2 weeks. I’d appreciate prayers!

That’s all for now. Happy 6 months, baby girl!

sitting up

Darkness is My Closest Friend (Psalm 88) Part 4

This is the fourth and final post in my story of pregnancy loss. If you haven’t already done so, read Part 1, 2 and 3 first.

To wrap up the story I’ll focus on what I learned and how I grew from the experience, and how my hope was restored. As I mentioned at the end of my last post, the happy ending is not the birth of Gwen. I’m not sure where in the healing process I’d be right now if I was still childless. I know that God just giving me what I want is not the solution to suffering or the answer to make the pain go away. I do know that getting pregnant with Gwen did not “make up for” my loss or make it hurt any less. And I know myself and the tendencies of my heart enough to know that I may not be writing these posts right now if I didn’t get pregnant again so quickly. I just wanted to acknowledge that for anyone who might be thinking “easy for you to say”. I know. But the experience was not in vain.

*The reason for suffering. Despite my best efforts, I could find no good reason for what happened. While suffering can sometimes be a result of bad choices we make, most of the time bad things happen simply because we live in a fallen world and no one is immune to suffering. No one. Sin entered the world a long time ago in a garden and ever since, things just aren’t the way they’re supposed to be. Crap happens. Once I accepted that, I was able to let go of the control I thought I had and move on. If I was still stuck on the “why” question, I wouldn’t have been able to  heal and move on with my life. Didn’t happen overnight, it was gradual. But I got there by the grace of God.

*How God used my suffering. I do not believe God causes suffering, but He allows it and uses it for his good. I realize there are many people reading this who may disagree and I’m not going to get into a theological debate in this space (but feel free to message me about it and I’d be happy to elaborate). So what good could possibly come from my suffering? Well for one, a deeper relationship with God. The times in my life when I am most hurt, upset, broken, etc. is when I have the most intimate moments with God. It’s an opportunity for me to acknowledge how much I need him. When things are going well, I tend to ignore him. And like any relationship, it would be kind of shallow without dealing with the hard stuff. God used this experience to deepen our relationship. Likewise, it caused my relationship with my husband to grow. It brought us even closer together. Would I ever ask for this kind of experience to happen in order for my marriage to grow? Of course not. But trials and storms are going to happen. They just are. Matthew 7:24-27 tells the story of the wise and foolish builder. It was my prayer at the beginning of our marriage that we’d be wise builders, building our house (marriage) on the rock (God) so that when the storms come (and they will), our house would stand. It stands and we’re even stronger because of it. If we had built our house on the sand (anything other than God, such as warm fuzzy feelings or attraction alone), then it’s likely our house would fall with a great crash the moment a storm comes. Which is why I think divorce is so common nowadays…but that’s another post for another time. I digress.

*There is an end to suffering. For a non-believer, “life sucks and then you die”. There’s no hope in that statement. For believers, life still sucks sometimes, but God is faithful, He heals and restores and promises an end. That end is not death. That’s why we don’t grieve as those who have no hope (1 Thessalonians 4). We still grieve, yes. But with hope!

*We don’t have to suffer alone. Go ahead and browse the book of Psalms. Or the book of Job. Read about Paul’s experience in the New Testament. We’ve been suffering for a long time. Share your story of suffering on your blog, and see how many people speak up about a similar experience. Thank God we don’t have to go through life alone. The body of Christ is to be just that, the “hands and feet” of Jesus. We don’t have Jesus here in the flesh at the moment, but he gives us His Spirit to live within us and other believers to surround us and carry our burdens, cry with us, pray with us, mourn with us and rejoice with us.

I’m sure I haven’t covered everything I possibly could have in my story of pregnancy loss and suffering and it might not be as cohesive as I would’ve liked (writing in several parts on different days whenever I can find time doesn’t make that easy to do). But I hope it was an encouragement to someone who read it, despite that. And if so, please know it was not my doing, but God’s. He put it on my heart to share my story, and there is certainly no power in my words.

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Darkness is My Closest Friend (Psalm 88) Part 3

As I begin this post I’m not sure if it will be the last in this little series or not…we’ll see how much Gwen lets me write this morning 🙂 To catch up, you should first read Part 1 and Part 2  of my story of pregnancy loss.

We left off with the start of “life after miscarriage”, right after my D&C procedure.

I’d like to address the roller coaster of emotions and crazy thoughts that I had. Both during that initial week of “shock” and the weeks/months that followed. Right or wrong, this is how I felt.

First, disbelief. “You’ve got to be kidding me”. I knew that miscarriage was more common than most people realize, but still…it’s the minority. The majority of pregnancies go well. Why did I have to be in the minority? Figures.

Second, anger. Mostly at God. Yes, I said it. I’m a Christian and I love Jesus very much. But I don’t always like what He allows to happen in my life. There are so many “bad” parents out there who neglect their kids, don’t even want them in the first place, etc….yet they get pregnant and pop out babies left and right. They don’t deserve the blessing of a baby. I do. (As if I have the right to determine who should have babies and who shouldn’t. I am not the author and giver of life.)

Third, shame/blame. It’s my fault. I must’ve done something wrong to cause this. Maybe it was the trip to Napa we took before I found out I was pregnant. Maybe I had one too many glasses of wine and that caused the miscarriage. Despite what my doctor said and what all the online articles said, I wanted to believe that there was a specific reason so that I could prevent it from happening again in the future. Except in reality, there’s nothing I could’ve done to prevent it from happening. And there’s nothing I can do to prevent it from happening again in the future. I don’t have control.

Fourth, jealousy. All of sudden everyone and their sister was pregnant. Waddling mamas-to-be all around me. Cute babies being pushed in a stroller or carried in the grocery store. They followed me everywhere. They all had what I didn’t. And quite frankly, it sucked. What’s worse though than strangers having babies all around you? Your best friend getting pregnant a few weeks after you lose yours. Yep. Let me be clear though…I was legitimately and sincerely happy for her, but it made me even more sad for me. It was really a shame …when I first announced to her that I was pregnant, she wasn’t yet and it was hard for her to fully rejoice with me because she had been struggling to get pregnant at the time. Then I lost mine, and she got pregnant and I couldn’t fully rejoice with her. That’s not the way it was supposed to happen. It’s very hard to “rejoice with those who rejoice” when you’re mourning over the very thing they’re rejoicing over.

Fifth, guilt over my grief. Why would I feel guilty? Because there are so many other people who have it worse than me. Some women lose their babies farther along in pregnancy, or even during birth, so I shouldn’t feel so bad losing mine at 6 weeks, right? Hogwash. Yes it’s true that there will always be someone “worse off” than you. But why do we feel the need to compare? I mean, really. Did that thought make me feel any better about my own loss? Not at all. My feelings of grief were just as valid as anyone else’s. The only time my feelings or attitude wouldn’t be valid, would be if I was complaining about not being able to afford $300 Frye boots, when there are people in Chile and Guatemala who I’ve met and spent time with who have so much less than I do, but are way more content and satisfied than I am. In that case, by all means, tell me “there are people who have it worse off than you, so suck it up”. But when it comes to legitimate pain and suffering, stop comparing. (For the record, no one actually said that to me, I said it to myself…and had this argument with myself.)

And finally, overwhelming sadness. There were many tears. I spent a lot of time listening to sad worship songs. I had a playlist on Spotify. Why would I do that? Because that’s how I was feeling. When you’re in the pit of despair you don’t feel like singing “Oh happy day” or “Sing Sing Sing”. And that’s okay. Listening to the hard songs helped me put words to my feelings, as I sat before God in prayer. Instead of rushing through my grief to get to the other side and be full of joy and hope again, I sat in my grief for awhile and let God do the comforting and the healing. Reading Psalms of lament also helped tremendously. To see what other Christians went through. To hear how they responded to God. I knew I wasn’t alone. Definitely not the first to question God and let him know how I felt about my circumstances, that’s for sure. I could write a whole series on the importance of lament, but I’ll save that for another time.

But thanks be to God, I did eventually “get to the other side” of grief and had my hope restored again. But it’s not what you might think. Gwen is not the happy ending to this story. Getting pregnant again and having a baby was not the solution to my suffering. Because where would I be if she wasn’t here? What if I didn’t get pregnant again?

Aaaaaaand to be continued….next one will be the last, I promise!

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