2015.

It would be really easy to look back on 2015 and focus on the worst month of our lives, July. There’s no denying it sucked big time. But 2015 wasn’t just one month. There were good things that happened too and they’re worth remembering and jotting down. Especially since the events of July did have the biggest impact on our lives, it’s easy to forget everything else. So here’s my attempt at mentioning everything I can remember…the good, the bad and the ugly.

*My kids turned a year older. Gwen turned 2 and Ivor Baby turned 1. I forget sometimes how close in age they are. It’s just so normal to me now.Ā It’s not until someone asks me how old they are. I tell them and then they look at me with wide eyes and say something like “OMG! They’re so close!” Oh yeah, they are aren’t they? šŸ™‚ 14 months apart, in case you were wondering.

*My blog audience grew big time with all the Stitch Fix (and later, Trunk Club) posts. You people love fashion. Who knew?! Seriously. I would’ve never thought that pictures of me in new clothes would be so popular. But…I ran with it and don’t intend to stop anytime soon šŸ™‚

*As a result, I got invited to a private launch party at Stitch Fix headquarters in San Francisco, back in March when they launched Petite & Maternity. It was a really cool experience, but I wish I would’ve been more outgoing and social and talked to more of the bloggers whoĀ were there. Ya know, got my networking on. But I still wasn’t sure how I even got invited and just hid behind my camera most of the time lol.

*We took our first trip back to Philly since having kids (and survived the plane ride!) For a lot of our family and friends, it was their first time meeting theĀ kids. We celebrated their birthdays, went to a friend’s wedding, Ā had a date night in the city, went to Sesame Place, experienced wonderful thunderstorms (you miss it sometimes), and overall really enjoyed our time there. Not sure when we’ll be back again yet. It’s everyone else’s turn now to come visit US šŸ˜‰

*I joined the leadership team and became a table leader at my MOPS group and have met some amazing ladies/friends as a result. I’m so happy to be surrounded by other like-minded “let’s be real” women who aren’t afraid to be vulnerable andĀ share their struggles with each other. They are such a blessing. #teamWestgateMOPS!

Ok, I guess we’re getting to the point now where I can’t help but mention what happened in July. But I’ll try to focus on the positive and the good that came from it. I can do that now that I’m reflecting back on it, and not in the middle of going through it. Quick aside: please don’t expect someone in the MIDST of suffering to see the “good” in it. Grief and suffering is a process…it changes over time. Give it time. Don’t rush it. I preach it all the time because I’ve lived it. The most helpful people in my life during this time said something like this: “Hey…I’m so sorry, this sucks. Here are some cookies. Can I do your dishes?” You can talkĀ allĀ about how God used this trial for good later. For now, give me the dang cookies and let me eat.

So, here we go. The biggest good I can think of that came out of the experience is this: a much stronger relationship with and appreciation for my husband. I could’ve lost him. Or he could’ve been paralyzed and what we experienced in the 2 months or so following the accident could still be my reality today, and for the rest of our lives. He was helpless. Totally dependent on me. And if you know anything about my husband, that is the complete OPPOSITE of who he is. He is an extremely active, hard-working, get-sh*t-done type of guy. So it was certainly an adjustment for both us (to say the least) to have him not be able to care for himself, let alone me orĀ the kids. All the while, grieving the loss of our twins. Our 2nd miscarriage. I remember one particular evening, in between the ultrasound and the D&C, while I still had remnants of life inside me. We’d been home from the hospital for only a few days. The kids were in bed. We were alone on the couch. It was silent. AndĀ I finally broke down. Like, majorly broke down. I cried a little at the ultrasound, but held myself together for the most part, because I’m strong like that (hah). But not this night. I sat on the couch and wept while he held me and we talked about the hopes/dreams we had for those babies. It was an extremely raw and intimate moment between us. As heartbreaking as thoseĀ circumstances were, looking back on our 5 years of marriage…that’s the single most intimateĀ moment I can recall. Being that vulnerable and broken…and being held. That’s marriage. Intimacy isn’t just a physical thing. Now that things are back to normal and I get mad at him for whatever stupid reason, I look back on this time and remember….”man, I love this guy.”

TheĀ other major good was the outpouring of love and support we received from others. I’m still overwhelmed just thinking about it. His coworkers. My MOPS groupĀ (some of whomĀ had never even really met me before). Friends and band-mates. So many people offering to bring food, clean our house, watch our kids, or just come over to hang out and keep us company. Talk about “the hands and feet of Jesus”. We experienced it in abundance and we will be forever grateful.

That trial, and our whole year can really be summed up in one verse (well, 3 technically). It’s the one that’s been popping up in my head a lot recently…

“Through the Lordā€™s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not.Ā  They are new every morning, great is Your faithfulness.Ā  ā€œThe Lord is my portion,ā€ says my soul, ā€˜Therefore I hope in Him!ā€ Lamentations 3:22-24

 

Is his voice not ridiculous?!

Anyway, whether in big or little circumstances, God is faithful and he is good to us. As this year comes to a close and we look forward to what the New Year is going to bring, I am overwhelmed with gratitude and thankfulness for God’s constant faithfulness. Ivor’s accident sucked. Our miscarriage sucked. But God never left. He held us together and we survived.

See you in 2016, friends šŸ™‚

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